Jimmy Kimmel mocks Democrats for having ‘old men’ Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders as 2020 front-runners

On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel had some fun at the expense of the crop of potential Democratic candidates who are currently weighing a presidential run in 2020. A new Harvard/Harris poll released Monday showed former Vice President Joe Biden leading the pack with 28 percent of support among Democrat and independent voters. Former 2016 presidential … Continue reading “Jimmy Kimmel mocks Democrats for having ‘old men’ Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders as 2020 front-runners”

On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel had some fun at the expense of the crop of potential Democratic candidates who are currently weighing a presidential run in 2020.

A new Harvard/Harris poll released Monday showed former Vice President Joe Biden leading the pack with 28 percent of support among Democrat and independent voters. Former 2016 presidential candidate and Sen. Bernie Sanders came in second with 21 percent, while Rep. Beto O’Rourke, fresh from his defeat against Sen. Ted Cruz in last month’s midterms, placed third with 7 percent of the vote.

Kimmel shared the results of the poll with his audience, noting that “everyone is trying to figure out” who the Democrats will nominate to face off against President Trump.

“The top choices right now are Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Beto O’Rourke; two old men and a baby,” Kimmel quipped. “Biden, Bernie and Beto are the front-runners in that order. Biden, Bernie and Beto sounds like the law firm that would represent Kermit the Frog in his divorce from Miss Piggy.”

The ABC late-night star joked that Biden and Sanders have “huge support” from one of the left’s key demographics: “Old men who fall asleep at movie theaters.”

Kimmel even mocked the former vice president, who this week boasted that he was the “most qualified person in the country to be president.”

“Joe Biden said yesterday he considers himself the most qualified person in the country to be president, which is cute that he thinks that matters to us,” Kimmel told his audience.

Kimmel then brought on “political correspondent” Mort Haskell (played by comedic actor Fred Willard) to weigh in on the deep bench of possible Democratic candidates.

"Heck of a field,” Haskell began. “Bernie, Biden, it energizes the party when young people have fresh ideas.”

“And by young people, you mean Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden?” Kimmel asked.

“Absolutely,” Haskell responded. “Those kids are just what the Democrats need to get the base fired up.”

Haskell shared his “dark horse” 2020 picks, which he said were published in last month’s edition of “Landline Enthusiasts.” His suggestions included former Sen. Harry Reid, Sen. Dianne Feinstein and Wilford Brimley, who Kimmel notes is best known from “diabetes commercials.”

“If Wilford Brimley can balance our blood sugar, he could also balance the budget,” Haskell added.

While it remains uncertain how many candidates will truly run for the Democratic nomination, the race is already narrowing even before it began. Outspoken anti-Trump lawyer Michael Avenatti announced this week that he was not going to seek the Democratic nomination, citing his decision was “out of respect for my family” and that he will continue to represent his client Stormy Daniels.

It has also been reported that former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick will make an official announcement as early as this week that he will not run for president in 2020 either.

Dolly Parton shocks Jimmy Fallon with racy joke about Jennifer Aniston, her husband

Dolly Parton appeared on the “Tonight Show” where she made host Jimmy Fallon blush enough to hide behind his desk.

The 72-year-old singing legend appeared on the late-night show to promote the music she did for the upcoming Netflix original movie “Dumplin’” starring Jennifer Aniston. Parton explained to the host that she was approached by the former “Friends” star to write original music for the movie.

It’s then that she revealed that her husband, Carl Thomas Dean, has a bit of a crush on Aniston and may have been angling for a wild night with the two celebrity women.

“My husband is crazy about her,” she told the host. “He was more excited that I was going to do a movie with her than he was that I got the chance to write all this music. See, I think he kinda fantasizes, like, a threesome with us.”

Fallon stopped her there by throwing his arms up in the air and stammering. Eventually, he pointed right to the camera and joked “go to bed Carl!”

Parton wasn’t done shocking the host there. She continued: “He can’t even get it out to pee, much less get it up for three.”

With that, Fallon fell to the floor and began to crawl behind his desk. He eventually composed himself as the crowd’s thunderous cheers died down.

You can watch the moment in question in the clip below:

Jon Stewart calls Trump a ‘giant turd asteroid,’ says he’s glad he’s out of the ‘turd business’

On Tuesday night, liberal comedian Jon Stewart returned to TV in a pre-recorded “Late Show” special with his friend and former colleague, Stephen Colbert.

After jokingly asking Colbert if he thought Donald Trump was a “great president” or the “greatest president,” Stewart expressed that he doesn’t think Trump “likes the job” of being the leader of the free world but instead likes the “trappings of power.”

Colbert then spoke about the time he met Trump backstage on a late night show years ago, noting that he was just “a guy” then and not a candidate for president.

“Did the bluster seem charming in a sort of a ‘Music Man’ kind of a way?” Stewart asked.

“He wasn’t blustering at all,” Colbert responded. “He was just like, ‘Hey, nice to meet ya. Congratulations on the show.’ He wasn’t blustering at all… He’s got that gear of like just some guy you’d see someplace. That’s what he seemed like. Just some guy. And he was like, ‘Let’s take a picture.’ He was like all ready to take a picture. And orange like you couldn’t believe.”

The “Late Show” host then turned the tables on the former “Daily Show” host, asking him if he ever missed having a show that joked about politics on a constant basis now that Trump is president. Stewart responded by giving an elaborate analogy involving fecal matter.

“You and I both famously know — we were turd miners. We toiled in the turd mines… and we both lost many people close to us to turd lung,” Stewart said. “So working at ‘The Daily Show,’ I felt as though I was always toiling in the turd mines and then I finally quit and a giant turd asteroid heads towards the planet.”